Bah.
Haven't posted much lately. It seems to be that time in the blogging cycle where I think this whole escapade is stupid - publicly parading emotions, as if to seek some kind of definition. The best definition of blogging, it seems, is "10 000 stupid emo-kids across the world metaphorically asking 'Does this make me look fat?'". Yeah.

Otherwise, okay. Trying to accomplish the last of my coursework (ever, hopefully) and sort out my priorities, at the very least workwise.
Each day is spent trying to get to the University library - the one environment I know I can sit down in and do work. If I sit at home all I do is think about redesigning this site, creating something for my Deviantart account or just talking to friends. I can't work at home as I don't have the willpower.
A large portion of my time is also spent worrying about my final degree grade. I've reached a point where I know I started studying earlier than I usually do, and this is a good thing, but whether I've studied hard enough so far, if what I'm studying is right and, I guess the crux of it and a question I'm asking for the first time, am I smart enough?
I've never doubted my intelligence, if only because I've never had a cause to. I've screwed up exams, tests, projects before - but known somehow that if I tried I could have done well. With the notable exception of Graphic Design Communication (a course I did well in in the end) I've never really felt out of place in a subject. I'm pretty well-rounded, even if my knowledge is superficial in the vast majority of subjects. But to actually ask whether I'm simply not smart enough to get a 2:1 in this degree... it's kind of frightening. A large, large portion of it is double-doubting myself - "Have I worked hard enough? Or will I have just not been smart enough? Neither would matter, I'd still have a second-degree qualification. But what if..." etc.
And all this before I've even reached exams. I usually don't get worked up (if anything, I'm too laid back) but this is serious, serious crunch time.
I guess I just have to realise that my head needs to be clear and all this worrying is just useless worrying. Which it is.

Gah. See? Worthless, stupid blogging.